From birth to adolescence: What characterizes childhood?
Birgit Elsner: It is a time in which a person gains a lot of experience and acquires skills on various levels. This affects both the musculoskeletal system and mental development. Children learn through trial and practice. They have to experience some things very often in order to develop routines and internalize processes. They train their motor, social, and cognitive skills over many years.
Nina Kolleck: Childhood is a formative phase of life in which children develop basic skills, a self-image, and a view of the world. It is characterized by curiosity, the urge to discover things, and the joy of play, which are crucial for healthy development. Childhood is often seen with a strong focus on school. Knowledge and skills are imparted that are considered relevant for adult life. In doing so, it is often overlooked that children grow not only through formal learning but, above all, receive important developmental impulses through exploring and experimenting on their own. Free discovery not only strengthens their cognitive abilities but also their mental health. It promotes lightheartedness, self-confidence, and resilience – important traits that accompany children throughout their lives. In addition, children have a fundamental need for security and stable social ties to dependable caregivers.
Elsner: A child’s socio-emotional development is decisively influenced by secure relationships with peers, siblings, and other caregivers. According to attachment theory, the relationships that you build in childhood lay the foundation for your whole life. Ideally, caregivers support the child in developing their individual abilities, embracing their urge for discovery, and tackling their developmental tasks.
Educational reformer Maria Montessori once said, “Play is the work of the child.” What significance does play have in your view?
Elsner: It has enormous significance. The younger children are, the harder it is to tell when they are playing and when not. The first year is all about sensorimotor play: When they are not sleeping or eating, babies perceive their surroundings and learn to control their bodies in a playful way. At kindergarten age, they explore their environment with everything they do. Toddlers increasingly differentiate between play and “serious life”. This change in referring to reality enables them to slip into other roles: What happens when I am the person who decides and not the one about whom a decision is made? In this way, they practice taking on someone else’s perspective. They realize that other people have their own feelings, needs, and thoughts. This is an important skill for social interaction, to be able to negotiate conflicts, and start friendships. Playing is also important due to its rituals, rules, and repetitions, which is the reason why children often can’t get enough of it. The ritual offers them a framework to try out new things and provides security at the same time.
Children seem to be completely engrossed in activities that they enjoy. It is almost impossible to interrupt them to make it to an appointment, for example. What is children’s sense of time like?
Kolleck: Children’s concept of time is rather vague. Parents can even recognize developmental leaps through a changed sense of time, which evolves over the years. Small children are still very attached to the moment. For them, it is difficult to estimate how long an hour is, and they struggle with terms like “tomorrow”, “soon”, and “later”. That’s why routines are so important, meaning a certain sequence at bedtime, for example, from brushing teeth to reading aloud to singing a goodnight song. Four- to six-year-olds, then, can remember well that we promised them a film yesterday, and they like to remind us of our promise. Elementary school children start to show interest in time and calendars, but an abstract understanding of time typically develops only during adolescence. For both children and adults, the perception of time remains subjective: some events appear to last forever, while others seem to pass much too quickly.
The little ones are moving almost all day long. They fall and get up again, they are quite agile, and it seems that they have inexhaustible strength. Are they fitter than adults?
Kolleck: Yes and no. Children indeed have a higher metabolism than adults. They “burn” energy faster and often recover in a very short time. This results in this seemingly endless urge to move. But when they are really exhausted, they need a break immediately while adults can often drag on for quite a while. However, their energy level also depends a lot on motivation. Many children find a walk, for example, completely boring. They don’t want to walk any further. But as soon as a playground is in sight, they suddenly have energy again and start running. Another point is the fact that children have fewer long-term worries than adults. They live more in the present and have less responsibility, which reduces their mental burden. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t have stress. Conflicts with friends, in particular, can actually affect them enormously.
Elsner: The brain also needs a lot of food during childhood. New nerve connections are constantly formed so that information can be transmitted more quickly.
Talking about growth: Which developmental stages do children go through?
Elsner: We see a lot of milestones in the development of motor skills during the first two years: infants learn to turn from their tummies to their backs, sit up alone, walk on their own, climb stairs, tiptoe, and hop on the spot. At kindergarten age, the milestones become less noticeable, especially regarding fine motor skills: They practice using cutlery, holding a pen, and closing buttons. There are such milestones in mental development, too: toward the end of the second year, children develop a new understanding of themselves and their behavior. They develop self-centered emotions such as pride, shame, or a sense of guilt and thus the basis for something like moral understanding. As a result, they are increasingly able to follow educational requests and parents thus begin to have a stronger educational influence on them. At kindergarten age, they also learn to regulate themselves and subordinate their own needs for a while.
What could be the reason when important milestones are not met?
Kolleck: A child’s development is influenced by many factors, including genetic disposition, neurological processes, and environmental influences. Children do not all go through developmental steps at the same pace or in the same way – there is a lot of individual variability. Children with neurodivergent developmental profiles, for example from the autism spectrum, acquire certain skills and competences differently or within a different time frame than neurotypical children. Even within one family, there are significant differences. While one child speaks early but learns to walk later, it can be the other way around for siblings. A reliable and sensitive caregiver supports children in developing a solid sense of basic trust in their environment. Insecure or unpredictable caregivers, on the other hand, may create stress that affects the entire development, including motor, language, and social skills. Therefore, it is essential to understand the early childhood sector not just as a childcare issue for working parents but as an important element in children’s development. Scientific studies show that early support in high-quality childcare facilities can improve equal opportunities, especially for children who do not get the same support at home.
A hot item among parents: How can mothers and fathers prepare children well for life?
Elsner: It is often difficult for parents today to trust their intuition. And parenting does not work the same way for all parents. Guidebooks can offer tips, but whether they suit every family is another story. Developmental psychology research shows that a loving, attentive upbringing is important, i.e., that parents are emotionally warm-hearted and accessible. At the same time, they should establish structures, adhere to them as much as possible, and adapt them to the child’s age. Children who are able to follow rules can also regulate themselves well. These aspects are closely connected. We usually also know quite well what behavior we don’t want to see in the child, but we don’t tell him or her what behavior we would find desirable. Younger children in particular need guidance in this respect. We should praise them when they do something well, but at the same time not scold them for everything. Praise and criticism should be balanced.
Kolleck: I can only agree with that. Parents today are under a lot of pressure to do everything right. Parenting guides are booming, but the advice is often contradictory. Various studies show that not the individual methods matter but fundamental principles. Children need a dependable, loving bond, want to be taken seriously, want to get attention, and feel safe. At the same time, parents should be aware that nobody is perfect. It’s absolutely normal to sometimes be impatient – and that’s exactly what you can openly tell the child. An authentic way of dealing with mistakes helps children to understand them as a normal part of life and to learn how to deal with them positively.
In addition, I have observed a shift in parental caution. On the one hand, there is a growing concern about physical risks – children are less likely to climb trees or play unattended because parents fear possible injuries. Studies show, however, that such experiences are important for developing body awareness, risk assessment, and resilience. At the same time, there is the opposite trend when it comes to digital media. Many children, including those under the age of 13, consume age-inadequate content on platforms such as YouTube or TikTok. Early, intensive media consumption can affect their attention span, social interaction, and emotional regulation. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under the age of two should not have any screen time, since direct interpersonal interaction is essential for their development. Although there are no long-term studies on the effects of digital media on children, some initial results show that excessive consumption can have negative effects.
Parents therefore face the challenge of finding a balanced approach. A healthy amount of independence which is combined with clear, age-appropriate rules for media consumption can help children.
Elsner: Today, parents often provide too little or too much support. Parents keep asking me how they can best support their child, and the demands placed on their children are often very high. This pressure can push kids into excessive pursuits of musical or athletic talents, which can overtax children. We have an enormous variety of offers, but I wonder if it wouldn’t be better for the children to go out with their parents and explore nature. It takes more than dropping off a child in a course. Parents should be able to build a strong bond, recognize their children’s needs, and create stimulating environments for children to explore, as shown by Montessori pedagogy, and thus provide impulses for age-appropriate learning.
The favorite piece of clothes is in the laundry or the croissants are sold out: Many parents fear such situations because they could trigger tamper tantrums. How do children experience their feelings, and when do they learn to handle them appropriately?
Elsner: The younger the children, the more help they need from outside to regulate their behavior, emotions, and level of arousal. Self-regulation means bringing your own level of arousal to a comfortable state: i.e., being neither too excited nor under-stimulated. What this comfortable state looks like differs, also for adults. Even babies close their eyes and turn their heads away when they seek rest. We all have such strategies. But babies who whine or cry need support. If we pick them up, we offer them external regulatory help. Up to elementary school age, children need help from outside to get their feelings under control. If this does not work, they work themselves up into states of arousal. Retreat options are therefore important in case of defiant behavior or tantrums. The caregivers should give children the opportunity to calm down and to discuss afterwards what was going on and what could help the child in the future.
Kolleck: Children are allowed to be loud and show their anger on occasion, that’s a good thing. We should not only allow their positive feelings but also allow and make room for their negative feelings.
Birgit Elsner has been Professor of Developmental Psychology at the University of Potsdam since 2008.
Nina Kolleck has been Professor of Educational and Socialization Theory at the University of Potsdam since 2023.
This text (in german language) was published in the university magazine Portal - Eins 2025 „Kinder“.